Tag: Learn

People are funny. 

Family and friends, with bonds once believed to be unbreakable, can break your heart with words alone.

Clients transition, despite how you’ve sacrificed your own success for theirs.

Former colleagues, once allies, take pleasure in competing and hoping you fail.

In a recent session with my coach, I questioned how and why people choose to hurt one another like this. He responded, “People are funny.”

That reframe, from people are selfish and mean to people are just funny, made it a lot less personal.

Then I realized – I’m “people” and I’m funny too.

Yung Pueblo teaches, “Self-awareness makes changed behavior possible.” So, maybe there’s hope for all of us funny people.

When our kids were young, we would tell them that if they ever got separated from us in a crowd to first look for a police officer. If there isn’t one around, then look for the moms. A mom will know how to help you if you are lost.

This morning, I was feeling a little separated from myself. A friend and mom, not knowing I was in this place, sent me a song. It was exactly what I needed to hear. In that moment, it hit me – when I’m feeling lost, I need to look for the moms in my life for support.

Moms tend to do this job solo. It’s part, “I can do this myself” and part “I don’t want to burden anyone.” We don’t want to push through it alone, but so often we do because, on most days, we can. That route feels simpler. It’s not.

We need more of each other. We need to look out for each other.

We need to look for the moms.

“So how much time do you have while the kids are at school?”

“8-4 or so – “

“Enough for a #Costco run…” ?

WHACK!

The ? point started.

 

A few minutes earlier I had shared that life was a little intense at the moment.

My stay-at-home-mom teammate assumed I had kids at home during the days, and that I was going to say I only had a couple hours without kids.

We both knew she misspoke, but neither of us made the correction.

What good would it do – she didn’t understand my hard, and I didn’t understand hers.

But it didn’t matter.

I also didn’t tell her my Costco run was arriving at my door that afternoon because it’s not worth my time to go.

Or that I just learned how to buy 136 granola bars at a time vs. 6, and I could learn a lot from my stay-at-home-mom friends.

Moms don’t keep score.

(In pickleball, yes. In life, no.)

Many weekends I seem to be disappointed. My dreamiest moments are when all 5 of us are together. But the reality is, it’s really hard to achieve it peacefully in this season of life.

3 kids with different needs and interests, and 2 parents wanting family time, rest, relationship time, solo time, and building time all at once.

How do you make time for it all, or choose? It’s impossible.

We tend to pile in the stroller, van or golf cart and head to the water when we are all feeling the opposite of peace. ?

I know I’ll miss the young days. But for now, the weekends are little magical moments, sandwiched in between the hard ones. And so, so much yelling.

I’m sure it will result in growth right?! ✨?

I got a message the other day from my 18mo’s teacher requesting a family photo so they can make family trees.?

My son’s #adoption will soon be finalized. And while we talk often about his biological family and have pictures in his room, I am very much still learning about and uncovering his story.

Having to share something that I don’t have the complete picture or words to use yet, my rational self was laughing, yet I was paralyzed.

As the universe does, this morning I saw an article from our agency with another family’s experience. It was so fantastic, and something any parent or teacher can benefit from, I had to share:   

“We got the ‘draw your family tree’ assignment in second grade, and my kid decided to fill it out by drawing her own extra branches on the tree for her birthparents, birthgrandparents, and her two half-sisters. Her teacher sent it home with a note asking her to redo it ‘correctly’. We declined, and let her take the zero grade. I loved it, sent her birthmom a scan of it, and framed it to hang in her room. That’s a zero grade we can support! Leah, adoptive mom”

What an awesome story of being courageous alongside your child, and the lessons are stunning. I only hope my creative brain turns on in this way throughout the journey!?

Way to go, “Leah” and thanks for sharing Adoptions Together & FamilyWorks Together and On Your Feet Foundation.

The full article: https://lnkd.in/g6Epx3ac

I was raised by a stay-at-home mom. I had all the wonderful opportunities one gets from that experience.

My kids have each been in some sort of daycare and/or school aftercare since they were infants.

I both love my work, and have never felt great about this.☝️

Aftercare was for kids whose parents can’t get them due to work requirements, according to me.

What did that mean about me when I finally had a flex schedule yet chose to keep them in? ?

As a kid, I felt bad for the aftercare kids.

As an adult, once the clock hit 2:40, I felt guilt.

But as I picked apart the facts, I realized I had made it all up! ?

What I hadn’t considered, is any good that could come.

Imaginative play, a new crew of friends and trusted adults…

Most importantly, a parent who had a chance to complete their workday and could now be fully present with my kids.✨

Peacefully posting this at 2:40 p.m. ?

Life lately has been WILD.

We moved cross-country and grew our family, and now I’m in the “savasana” period where all the growth is happening?, I feel like a teenager. Here’s what I’ve learned:

Learn to feel peace in the journey; ☮️

No checkpoint or finish line will eliminate all of your problems.

Routine aligns expectations/ reality and reduces anxiety. For all.?

Choosing to break routine is worth it for once-in-a-lifetime moments.

Sand will always be in the tub; ?

It represents this life we’re choosing – messy, and oh, so worth it.

Simplifying physical items and spaces simplifies the mind.

People ground people.

Alignment with your partner is the answer every time.

Amazon can deliver quick fixes all day, but the hard stuff, that’s all on you. ?

Lean in to your “no questions asked” relationships; and, get yourself to a place where you can reciprocate. <–what life is all about)

The kids need to work it out themselves. ?

You are your kids’ favorite toy in the whole wide world.

When dysregulated in parenting, tune in to self first.

You are not in charge of your partner’s emotions.

Make choices, not decisions. (Google it!)

Hard decision, easy life. Easy decision, hard life. (credit: @emechlinski)

Don’t keep score.⛔

Be kind, not nice.

Lead with love.?

Are you actively listening? Seems simple – be present, interested, appropriately responsive. As we work on the next season of WMH, our podcast editor @stefwenninger mentioned listeners can tell when hosts move too quickly to the next question and don’t engage in a guest’s response. And we are reflecting on how we’ve shown up.

It is easier said than done. A host juggles multiple factors during a recording at once: nerves, timing, the guest’s needs, listener needs, shit – unstable internet connection, “does my neighbor need to cut that tree down right now?!” The paranoia of, “I’ve said too much, maybe too little…”

Sure, sticking to the plan keeps the anxiety at bay, but over-managing external factors can result in missing the gold we’re mining for in the first place. When control (and fear) takes over, it’s taking away from the guest – and ultimately listeners – being seen, heard and understood.

Apply this concept to our lives and interactions with kids, clients, colleagues, family, strangers on the street…what magic could happen by focusing on active listening vs. our response or external distractions?

We are ready to give ourselves, our guests and listeners the gift of our presence and active listening as best we can. The result may be more vulnerable and raw reactions, laughs and emotions than we’ve ever shared with the world…WHEW. Here we go.

Thanks for making the space for us each week in your ear holes.? And we’re always open to hearing your feedback. It helps us to be better.

I cried today on a work call. They were tears of gratitude for my colleagues who encouraged me to enjoy a day at the zoo with my kids while they managed our clients’ needs.

I let the guilt of missing meetings and the FOMO from watching our slack channels ping subside. I gave my phone to my kids to document the day. I took a deep breath and found myself in rare “mom flow.” I was present, playful, and patient.

Joe commented it was one of his favorite days observing me as a mother. My kids felt it too. There was minimal fighting or complaining as we walked miles in the hot sun. We laughed – a lot.

All of this to say, work is personal. Very personal. It’s important to have people on your team who get that. And maybe even cry with you when you thank them for having your back and gifting you a day with your kids filled with core memories.

Every time my kids hit a new phase of development, I find myself saying, “Oh, this one is my favorite. I want to stay here.” Then comes the inevitable next one, and it too is my favorite phase. 

Each phase has brought something new into our lives. From newborn cuddles and baby belly laughs to the firsts and testing independence. We are now solidly in the preteen phase. Also, my new favorite. 

I’ve learned some things will start, some will evolve and some will stop. It used to take what felt like hours to get them to sleep. We’d bathe, snuggle and rock them while singing Twinkle Twinkle and Good Ship Lollipop over and over again. I don’t ever want to forget how their little voices would plead, “One more, Mommy. Just one more.” Back then though, “one more” felt like being told by your track coach that you still had four more laps to go when you thought practice was over. 

Now, my hours-long lullaby concert has evolved to the occasional request for 1 or 2 songs when they are in the mood. When they ask, it makes my heart sing. One day, they’ll stop asking entirely. Maybe some of my lullabies will make it into my grandkids’ nurseries. 

Each phase hasn’t been perfect. They’ve taught us varying degrees of survival skills, perhaps to prepare us for the next phase – the teen years. I get a lot of “just you wait” about this upcoming phase and I know it won’t be easy. None of the phases have been. 

But, historical data points to the next phase being my favorite.